My pussy is not your playground.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Randomize