literally had 100 drinks last night.
I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Randomize
