He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize