don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Randomize
