I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
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