U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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