I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize
