During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
