Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
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