I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
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