Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I'm at about main and main street
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Randomize
