and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
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