i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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