I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
last night I used snow as a chaser
Randomize
