Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
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