I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize