Quick, to the slutcave!
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
