I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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