things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Need sex. Gaining weight.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
