I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
