even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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