u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize