Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
