I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Randomize
