I can tuck mytits in my pants
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize