My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Randomize
