The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
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