i wish there were pregnant emoticons
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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