And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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