if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Randomize
