I cannot find my penis.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Randomize
