im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Randomize