God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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