I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
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