The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Randomize
