Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
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