Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
