You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
