I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
