I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
