When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
babies were throwing up all over the place
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Randomize
