Kiss
Puke
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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