fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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