I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
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