tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Ladies don't puke and tell
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Randomize
