I want to have your abortion
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
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