like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Randomize
