i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
She swung at the pinata with crutches
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
