So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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