Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
