fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize