omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
