roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
