dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Randomize
