forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
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