There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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