New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
there was a trapeze. enough said
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
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