Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
