We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
my phone needs a breathalizer
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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