Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
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