I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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