I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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