Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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