Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
organizing the empties. That sober.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize
