I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
