I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
