somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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