She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Pants 0. Shit 1.
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
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