porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
