Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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