I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize