i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Best friends brother. Beat that.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
