Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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