Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
