So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
