this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
Randomize
