a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
