I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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