May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
