Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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