I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Randomize
