Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Randomize
