Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Randomize
