i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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