Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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