just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Randomize
