Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
